Little Johnny: Where is Jesus?

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that her students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. She wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc.

So she asked her class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."

Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, she gathered her wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!"

Little Johnny: I Like Your Thinking

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"

She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot"
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking."

Little Johnny: Aunt Tess

Little Johnny said to his Aunt Tess, "My God, you're ugly, aren't you!"

His mother overheard this and pulled Johnny into the kitchen.

"You naughty boy!" she screamed, "How can you say to your aunt that she's ugly! You go right in and apologize to her! Tell her you're sorry!"

Little Johnny entered the living room, walked over to his aunt and said, "Aunt Tess, I am sorry you're so ugly."

An Agricultural Show

This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off, "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."

The wife nudges her husband in the ribs and comments, "See! That was more than 5 times a month!"
The second bull is to be sold, "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."

Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's some 5 times a month. What do you say to that?" Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.

The third bull is up for sale, "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!"
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about you?"

The husband was pretty irritated by now and yells back, "Sure, once a day! Great! But, you ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!"

The Ages of Women

Between the ages of 16 and 18, she is like Africa, virgin and unexplored.

Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and exotic.

Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources.

Between the ages of 46 and 56, she is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest.

After 56 she is like Australia, everybody knows it's down there but who gives a damn?

A Distinct Lack of Imagination

There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel.
He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again.

Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it. He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.

The hottest girl said ,"If you fix our car we will do anything you want." The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash. When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr." After thinking for a short while he replied, "Could you hold my camel?"

The Wedding Test

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived.

She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and could not say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."

I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door, stepped out of the house and walked straight toward my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said, "We are very happy you have passed our little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"

The moral of this story is.....

"Always keep your condoms in your car."

Prison vs Work

Just in case you ever got these two mixed up, This should make things a bit more clear....

IN PRISON you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON you get three meals a day.
AT WORK you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON you get your own toilet.
AT WORK you have to share with some idiot who pees on the toilet.

IN PRISON they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK you can't speak to your family.

IN PRISON all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK they are called managers

A Bear Joke

One day, down in the mystical forest, a magical frog was hopping towards a water hole. The forest was so enormous that the frog had never laid eyes on another animal before. But today, by chance a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.

The frog called for the two to stop and said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant both of you three wishes. Bear, you can go first." The bear thought for a moment, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, apart from me, to be female."

For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.

It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."

The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and roared the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for such idiotic items, because after all, he could have asked for money and bought the bike.

For the last wish the bear thought for a while and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, apart from me, were female."

The rabbit grinned, roared the engine, and said,
"I wish that the bear was gay."

When You Fall In Love

(Debunking the Myths That Are Driving You Crazy)
By: Bo Sanchez

This article isn't for teenagers only.

Falling in love happens to the young and the not-so-young. (Did you see 42-year-old Tom Cruise jump up and down Oprah's couch because of Katie?) It happens to everyone. Fat, thin, tall, short, intelligent, uneducated, holy, not so holy, dark, white, yellow, green... it doesn't really matter. All of us fall in love. And we get stuck in myths that drive us absolutely crazy. My goal is to debunk these myths and convince you not to believe in them. Let's begin..........

MYTH 1: LOVE WILL CONQUER ALL

Let me qualify. This is such a tricky myth. Because love will conquer all. But love ------ as defined by glazed-eyed lovers ----- will not.

If you believe in this myth, you might do the following:

You overlook major obstacles in your relationship.

Everyone you know is wondering why you chose that creature from outer space as your boyfriend. Your bestfriends are telling you to get rid of him. Your family is telling you to throw him out of a running vehicle. Aling Rosa of the sari-sari store across the street is telling you to lace his drink with poison.

But you won't --------- because you're in love. That's why there are songs entitled, "you and me against the world" Your bestbuds comment, 'but he's been jobless for the past three years!" And you say, "He's free-spirited. He feels boxed in when he's in the office. '(in other words, he's undisciplined, lazy bum.) Your officemates say, 'He flirts with other women constantly!' and you say, 'No, he's just friendly.' (in other words, he's a pervert) Your cousins say, 'He's taking drugs, He's got needle marks all over his arm. And you say, 'No, he's into cross stitching.'

You overstay in toxic relationships, believing that your love will change him.

The wedding doesn't transform anyone. Even if three Popes officiate the wedding. The person you'll march with into the church will be the same person you'll march with out of the church. He doesn't change one bit. In fact, the marriage makes the hidden more obvious. If he was selfish before he got married, he will be even more selfish after the wedding. If he was hypercritical before he got married, he'll even be more vile and prolific with his criticisms after wedding.

Here's the truth: You need more than feelings of love to make a relationship work. You need mature character, total commitment and a minimum level of compatibility.

Especially compatibility in the area of values and mission in life. I hear people say, 'We're compatible. Our names begin with the same letter J. My name is Julie and his name is Julio. We're both born in July." Wow. That's so deep, I want to cry.

MYTH 2 : WHEN IT"S TRUE LOVE YOU WILL KNOW THE MOMENT YOU MEET THE OTHER PERSON

I'm sure you've had this experience before. You are in a crowded room. You're surrounded by boring, noisy chatter when, suddenly, this gorgeous guy enters the door. Your eyes meet. Instantly, time stands still. The universe grinds to a halt. Except for this attractive man in front of you, everything in your vision becomes a giant blur. The hubbub of the crowd becomes a soft muffle and, from out of nowhere, you here gentle violin music from the background.

One week later, he's your boyfriend. A few weeks later, you discover that your boyfriend's a pathological liar, buried in credit card debt, borrows money from all his girlfriends (you're his eight in six months).
Your mind says, 'Dump him'
Your heart says, 'But it was love at first sight!'
Here are the consequences ...

You become so focused on the magical first moment, you become blind to the dark side of the relationship. Six out of seven days, you're fighting with your boyfriend. But you can't give him up because you met each other in such a magical moment. Your car keys fell and he picked it up, and then your eyes met, you smelled his deodorant, and you dropped your keys again ......How can you not be meant for each other?

You become a love-at-first-sight junkie that you could miss out on the 'real thing'.
One intelligent woman told me, 'Bo, there's this guy who's courting me. He's okay. He's kind, he's responsible, he has a good job.......'
"I could hear a 'but' coming ," I said.
'but there are no sparks!" she bit her lip.
"No violin music playing in the background huh"
"none. When I see him, the background music I hear is lululalulalulalulalei..."
"listen. You don't need a magical first moment to meet our potential husband. The important things are mature character, financial responsibility, ability for commitment, compatible mission and values..." I actually met this girl again on her wedding, and before she marched down the aisle, she whispered to me, "Do you hear the violin music, Bo? It's loud and clear." It doesn't have to be love at first sight. In fact, marriages with the least adjustments are those between friends who've known each other for years before they realize that they're good marriage material. What is love at first sight? Many times, it's lust at first sight. Or infatuation at first sight. Don't give it too much weight. Here's the truth: it takes a moment to experience infatuation but true love takes a lifetime.

MYTH 3 : IF IT IS TRUE LOVE YOU WILL FEEL THIS WAY FOR EACH OTHER FOREVER

No, you won't. Here are the consequences for believing this myth:

You panic when the feelings wane, and wonder whether the marriage is over and whether you really loved one another in the first place.
Imagine the night of your honeymoon.
Your new bride is sleeping. The cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze. You gaze at her lovely face. You study her soft cheeks. Her long eyelashes. Her beautiful nose, her parted red lips.
And all of a sudden, she snores.
"Ngggggggooork"
How do you react? Because it's your honeymoon, you say, 'How cute.'
Six months down the road, the same scene transpires. Your wife is sleeping. And the same cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze.
And you hear her snore.
"Ngggggoork."
What do you say?
"Ssssssheeeesh, Honey! You sound like a boat!'
What has happened? The feelings have gone. Let me say this: 'That's normal. It happens to everyone. But it doesn't mean your love is gone so don't panic!
You can make a decision to love the snoring boat.

You start blaming your partner for the loss of love. This is nutty. But many people do it: when we don't feel in love, we think it's the fault of the other person. And so we fight him. Again, we fall out of love because we're human beings. It's nobody's fault. The moment you fall out of love , the real work begins . Let me explain. This is the most important point I'm going to make. (I got this from Scott Peck in his bestseller book, The Road Less Traveled)

Falling in love isn't love

Here's why. When you fall in love.....
a. No decision is required. Falling in love just happens.
b. No effort is required. Falling in love is like.... Well, falling.
c. No hard work is required. Falling in love is being bitten by the love bug.

On the other hand, true love requires all three: Decision, effort and lots of hard work. In the Bible, love is a command. You make it happen. Sure true love can only happen after you've fallen out of love. When you begin choosing to love, even if you don't feel like doing it -- that's true love. And that's the foundation of a lasting marriage.

MYTH 4: YOUR PARTNER WILL FULFILL YOU COMPLETELY

Again because falling in love satisfied you completely ----- you want the same satisfaction to last. No it won't. Consequence? You might fail to recognize a good relationship because your partner isn't fulfilling the needs you should be fulfilling yourself. Here's the truth: the right partner will fulfill many of your needs but not all of them . There are just some things your husband can't give you: you're self-worth. Your spirituality. Your inner happiness. These are things you have to work on your own.

I've met lots of people who think they're dissatisfied with their marriage. In reality, they're dissatisfied with themselves.
I've met lots of people who think they're bored with their marriages. And they complain to the high heavens how boring their husband or wife is ---- when in truth, they're really bored with life.
Meet your own needs. Find your happiness in God. Find your niche, your calling, your destiny. And then share your joy with your spouse.

MYTH 5: IF IT'S TRUE LOVE YOU WON'T BE ATTRACTED TO ANYONE ELSE

If you believe in this myth, you panic when you get attracted to someone else, questioning the authenticity of your love for your spouse. One man told me, 'Bo, I love my wife. Or I thought I did. But then I met this woman at work. She has nice make-up. She smells nice. She wears a pencil-cut skirt. When I go home, my wife is wearing a drab rag. Her hair is undone. She smells of vinegar. Gosh I am attracted to this girl at work." Being attracted to someone is normal ----- even if you have a happy marriage. But being attracted doesn't mean falling into adultery. Every time you think of the other woman, discipline your heart and say, 'Home, boy, Home!' and escort your heart back to your wife. Because if you feed your attraction with fantasies and constantly think about the other woman, it grows . But if you starve your attraction, it dies a natural death.

A Mouse Story

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.

"What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning.

"There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."

The mouse turned to the cow and said, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap-- alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.

The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught.

The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.

But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.

The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember -- “When one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.

We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.

Do You Know?

• Ants don't sleep.
• Owls have eyeballs that are tubular in shape, because of this, they cannot move their eyes.
• A bird requires more food in proportion to its size than a baby or a cat.
• The mouse is the most common mammal in the US.
• A newborn kangaroo is about 1 inch in length.
• A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.
• The Canary Islands were not named for a bird called a canary. They were named after a breed of large dogs. The Latin name was Canariae insulae - "Island of Dogs."
• There are 701 types of pure breed dogs.
• A polecat is not a cat. It is a nocturnal European weasel.
• Tapeworms range in size from about 0.04 inch to more than 50 feet in length.
• A baby bat is called a pup.
• German Shepherds bite humans more than any other breed of dog.
• A female mackerel lays about 500,000 eggs at one time.
• It takes 35 to 65 minks to produce the average mink coat. The numbers for other types of fur coats are: beaver - 15; fox - 15 to 25; ermine - 150; chinchilla - 60 to 100.
• The animal responsible for the most human deaths world-wide is the mosquito.
• The biggest pig in recorded history was Big Boy of Black Mountain, North Carolina, who was weighed at 1,904 pounds in 1939.
• Cats respond most readily to names that end in an "ee" sound.
• A cat cannot see directly under its nose. This is why the cat cannot seem to find tidbits on the floor.
• Pigs, walruses and light-colored horses can be sunburned.
• Snakes are immune to their own poison.
• An iguana can stay under water for 28 minutes.
• Cats have more than one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
• The biggest member of the cat family is the male lion, which weighs 528 pounds (240 kilograms).
• Most lipstick contains fish scales.
• Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.
• Each day in the US, animal shelters are forced to destroy 30,000 dogs and cats.
• A shrimp's heart is in their head.
• A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
• A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.
• The cat lover is an ailurophile, while a cat hater is an ailurophobe.
• A woodpecker can peck twenty times a second.
• It may take longer than two days for a chick to break out of its shell.
• Dragonflies are one of the fastest insects, flying 50 to 60 mph.
• Despite man's fear and hatred of the wolf, it has not ever been proved that a non-rabid wolf ever attacked a human.
• There are more than 100 million dogs and cats in the United States.
• Americans spend more than 5.4 billion dollars on their pets each year.
• Cat's urine glows under a black light.
• The largest cockroach on record is one measured at 3.81 inches in length.
• It is estimated that a single toad may catch and eat as many as 10,000 insects in the course of a summer.
• Amphibians eyes come in a variety shapes and sizes. Some even have square or heart-shaped pupils.
• It would require an average of 18 hummingbirds to weigh in at 1 ounce.
• Dogs that do not tolerate small children well are the St. Bernard, the Old English sheep dog, the Alaskan malamute, the bull terrier, and the toy poodle.
• Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of earth in a day.
• Howler monkeys are the noisiest land animals. Their calls can be heard over 2 miles away.
• A quarter of the horses in the US died of a vast virus epidemic in 1872.
• The fastest bird is the Spine-tailed swift, clocked at speeds of up to 220 miles per hour.
  There is no single cat called the panther. The name is commonly applied to the leopard, but it is also used to refer to the puma and the jaguar. A black panther is really a black leopard. A capon is a castrated rooster.
• The world's largest rodent is the Capybara. An Amazon water hog that looks like a guinea pig, it can weigh more than 100 pounds.
• The poison-arrow frog has enough poison to kill about 2,200 people.
• The hummingbird, the loon, the swift, the kingfisher, and the grebe are all birds that cannot walk.
• The poisonous copperhead snake smells like fresh cut cucumbers.
• A chameleon's tongue is twice the length of its body.
• Worker ants may live seven years and the queen may live as long as 15 years.
• The blood of mammals is red, the blood of insects is yellow, and the blood of lobsters is blue.
• Cheetahs make a chirping sound that is much like a bird's chirp or a dog's yelp. The sound is so an intense, it can be heard a mile away.
• The underside of a horse's hoof is called a frog. The frog peels off several times a year with new growth.
• The bloodhound is the only animal whose evidence is admissible in an American court. 98% of brown bears in the United States are in Alaska.
• Before air conditioning was invented, white cotton slipcovers were put on furniture to keep the air cool.
• The Barbie doll has more than 80 careers.
• To make one pound of whole milk cheese, 10 pounds of whole milk is needed.
• 99% of pumpkins that are sold for decoration.
• Every 30 seconds a house fire doubles in size.
• The month of December is the most popular month for weddings in the Philippines.
• A one ounce milk chocolate bar has 6 mg of caffeine.
• Carbon monoxide can kill a person in less than 15 minutes.
• The largest ever hailstone weighed over 1kg and fell in Bangladesh in 1986.
• Ants can live up to 16 years.
• In Belgium, there is a museum that is just for strawberries.
• The sense of smell of an ant is just as good as a dog's.
• Popped popcorn should be stored in the freezer or refrigerator as this way it can stay crunchy for up to three weeks.
• Coca-Cola was originally green.
• The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
• The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start
  with.
• The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
• TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on
  one row ! of the keyboard.
• Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!
• You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
• It is impossible to lick your elbow.
• People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart
  stops for a millisecond.
• It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
• The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest
  tongue twister in the English language.
• If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a
  sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
• Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history.
  Spades - King David
  Clubs - Alexander the Great,
  Hearts - Charlemagne
  Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
• 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
• If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the
  air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air,
  the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has
  all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
• What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser
  printers all have in common?
  Ans. - All invented by women.
  Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this?
  Ans. - HoneY.
  A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
  A snail can sleep for three years.
  All polar bears are left handed.
• American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each
  salad served in first-class.
• Butterflies taste with their feet.
• Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
• In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
• On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
• Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
• Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
• The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
• The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
• The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
  squirt blood 30 feet.
• Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear
  by 700 times.
• The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
• Most lipstick contains fish scales.
• Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different

Waterbed Prank

When they say "waterbed", they mean it. Check it out.

Japanese Toilet Prank

Watch out!

Little Leroy's Math Problem

Little Leroy was at home doing his Math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine". In that moment, his mother comes in and hears what he is saying. "Leroy, what are you doing?! Why are you saying that?" Little Leroy answered, "I'm doing my Math homework, Mom". She said, "And is that what your teacher taught you?" He replied, "Yes."

The next day, the mother, worried about the education her son is receiving, goes to Little Leroy's school to talk to the teacher. The mother said to his Math teacher, "I would like to know what you are teaching my son in Math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition problems." Little Leroy's mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

When the teacher stopped laughing she replied, "Not at all! What I taught them was two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH IS four."

Little Leroy

Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."

Little Leroy was a bit of a trouble maker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Leroy's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Leroy, of course, thought he did.

Leroy's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted Leroy to reflect on his behavior over the last year. "Go to your room, Leroy, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday."

Little Leroy stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1:

Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Leroy

Leroy knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2:

Dear God,
This is your friend Leroy. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you.
Your friend,
Leroy

Leroy knew that wasn't true so he tore up the letter and started again.

Letter 3:

Dear God,
I have been an "OK" boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Leroy

Leroy knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Leroy wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4:

God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
PLEASE!!!
Thank you,
Leroy

Leroy knew, even if it were true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Leroy was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Leroy's mother thought her plan had worked as Leroy looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," Leroy's mother told him.

Leroy walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Leroy went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Leroy bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Leroy began to write his letter to God.

Letter 5:

Jesus,

I've broken most of the Ten Commandments; shot spit wads in school,
tore up my sister's Barbie doll and lots more. I'm desperate. I've got
your mama and if you ever want to see her again give me a bike!

Signed....
You Know Who!!!

A True Love Story

A certain rich businessman had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a guy who was a cleaner, When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it. Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a happy future. The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them.

At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home in a local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back I will allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each other truly."

So in this way, their love won and they returned home. The couple went to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was dressed in white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and hit him and h e died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. It was only after sometimes that she recovered from her shock. The funeral and cremation was the very next day because he had died horribly.

Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream. The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it. Then when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes which have blood stains immediately.

She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream she again washed the stains but some still remained . Next night she again had the same dream and this time the old lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains, and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.

She was very tired. In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home, someone knocked the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old lady of her dream standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted. The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue object, which shocked the girl. She asked "What is this...?" The old lady replied...

"Gumamit ka ng TIDE. P6.50 na lang, mas pinalaki pa!".

I know how you all are feeling now... I have been through this too. But don't look at me like that. I'm also hunting for the idiot who send this to me!

A Skeleton Biker Prank

Would you run?

Why Sex Before Marriage is Essential

Imagine if this will happen to you?

Kung Mayaman...

Kung mayaman ka, meron kang "allergy"
Kung mahirap ka, ang tawag dyan ay "galis" o "bakokang"

Sa mayaman, "nervous breakdown" dahil sa "tension and stress"
Sa mahirap, "sira ang ulo"

Kung mayaman ka, "pneumonia" daw ang sakit mo
Kung mahirap, "TB" yon

Sa mayaman, "hyperacidity"
Kapag mahirap, "ulcer" dahil walang laman ang tiyan

Sa mayamang "malikot ang kamay", ang tawag ay "kleptomaniac"
Sa mahirap, ang tawag ay "magnanakaw" o "kawatan"

Pag mayaman ka, you're "eccentric"
Kung mahirap ka, "may toyo ka sa ulo" o "may topak" o "may sayad"

Kung mayaman ka at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay may "migraine"
Kung mahirap ka naman at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay "nalipasan ng gutom"

Kung mayaman ka, you are referred to as someone who is "scoliotic"
Pero kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "kuba"

Kung ang se�orita mo ay maitim, ang tawag ay "morena" o "sun tanned"
Pero kung isa kang domestic na maitim, ikaw ay "ita" o "negrita" o "baluga"

Kung nasa high society ka at ikaw ay maliit, ang tawag sa iyo ay "petite"
Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay "pandak" o "bansot"

Kung socialite ka, ikaw ay "pleasingly plump"
Kapag mahirap ka, ika'y "tabatsoy" o "lumba-lumba"...pagminamalas ka, "baboy"

Kapag mayaman, "fasting" ang hindi kumain
Kung mahirap, "nagtitiis"

Kung well-off ka at date ka rito, date ka roon, ang tawag sa iyo ay "socialite"
Kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "pakawala" o "pok-pok"

Kung mayamang alembong ka, ang tawag sa iyo ay "liberated"
Pero kung isa kang dukha, ang tawag sa iyo "malandi"

Kapag mayaman, "misguided" o "spoiled" ka
Kung mahirap ka, "addict" o "durugista"

Kung may pera ka, ang tawag sa iyo "single parent"
Pero kung wala kang trabaho, ang tawag sa iyo "disgrasyada"

Kapag mayaman at sexy, "fashionable" daw
Kung mahirap, sigurado "GRO" o "japayuki" ka

Ang tawag sa mayayamang puro gulay ang kinakain, "vegetarian"
Habang kakaawa ang mahirap na " kumakain ng damo."

Sa exclusive school, "assertive" ang mga batang sumasagot sa mga guro
Pero pag ang mga mahihirap na bata ang sumasagot sa mga guro, ang tawag sa kanila ay "bastos!"

Ang mayamang tumatanda, "are graduating gracefully into senior citizenhood"
Ang mga mahihirap ay "gumugurang"

Ang anak ng mayaman ay "slow learner"
Ang anak ng mahirap ay "bobo" o "gung-gong"

Kung mayaman ka at marami kang kumain, you flatter your host who says, "masarap kang kumain and I like you, you do justice to my cooking"
Kung ghastly peasant ka eating the same amount in the same house, your host will say to himself na ikaw ay "patay-gutom"

Kung graduate ka ng exclusive school at sa ibang bansa ka nagtatrabaho, ang tawag sa iyo "expat"
Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay "contract worker"

Kung boss ka at binabasa mo ito sa office mo, "okay lang"
Pero kung ikaw ay hamak na empleyado lamang, ikaw ay" nagbubulakbol"...

kaya i-close mo na agad ang browser mo dahil nasa likod mo ang boss mo! tsk tsk tsk

Pusta-anay ta, makita ang wa o dili?

Just post your comments for your bet. :)